


This or the end

by beyond_the_nights_world



Series: Just Cockles [5]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Anal, Bottom Misha, Break Up, Hugging, Jogging, Kissing, M/M, Making a Decision, Night, POV First Person, POV Misha, Running, Sad, Sex, Smut, Tears, Top Jensen, unprotected
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-01
Updated: 2016-10-01
Packaged: 2018-08-18 23:12:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8179340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beyond_the_nights_world/pseuds/beyond_the_nights_world
Summary: After forcing a decision, Jensen and Misha had a break up. But for how long?





	

**Author's Note:**

> Sad fiction. But just a bit ;)

I couldn't sleep. I was laying on my bed, staring at the ceiling and watching the dance of the nightly shadows. My day was full of work, shooting scenes, giving interviews. I had been busy and my body needed rest, but my mind was spinning around.   
Spinning around that man a fan called green eyed grashopper a few months ago.   
This man I loved so much.   
This man I fell for the moment I first met him. 8 Years ago.   
My mind was spinning around this relationship I killed.   
This clash we had. I had forced him into more. I told him, that I was sick of hiding, sick of playing, sick of lying and betraying the fans, the world and ourselves. I had forced him into a decision. The truth or the end.   
The end felt terrible. Like losing everthing I ever had. But I wasn't allowed to complain. It was my fault, my own fucking fault. My stubborness, my ego. And now, everything was gone. Popped like a soap bubble. 

The night was moonlit. The big trees looked like wrapped in silver paper. I had put on my running clothes and left my house. Escaping those crushing walls of my room.   
I had always loved the night. Calming darkness, endless starry nights. Salving, covering my thoughts, my feelings. I started to run down the road, passing house after house until I reached the park. It felt like being alone in the world.   
Alone with my fucking thoughts.   
God, damn! What have I done?   
I ran faster, waiting for the effect, when the body took over. Waited for the runners high. Something, that made me feel better, made me feel relieved. But my body betrayed me. With every heart beat, every step I made, the emotions rose.   
Sweat running down my back, tears running down my face, me running down the streets. Minutes passed, hours passed. I couldn't barely breath, my legs hurted, my heart was racing. And everything I could think of was Jensen's face, when he left the room, his bag in his hand. I ran back home.   
Maybe I should try to kill the pain with alcohol. Maybe this would work. One bottle after the other until this green sad eyes were fading.   
I entered the house, climbing up the stairs to the appartment we...I was living in. I was shaking, swaying and I felt dizzy. I opened the door and stopped.   
Something was different, someone was here.   
My hand fumbled for the switch next to the door. The light went on and I saw him. He swas standing in the middle of the apartment, staring at me. He was rubbing his neck with the palm of his hand, his tongue wetting his lips nervously.   
Was I hallucinating?   
“Jen?” I asked and my voice was shaking in common with my burning legs. I tumbled more than I walked. Closing the door behind me. I couldn't stop staring at him, afraid he would be gone, when I would turn away. He looked at me, his face motionless. But then something crumbled, a wall was breaking down. He needed two steps to cross the gap.   
“Babe”; he whispered, wrapping his arms around me. I buried my face into the fabric of his shirt, inhaling the warmth as if I need it to live.   
“I am so sorry, Jen. So sorry...” I felt his hands on my back, stroking up and down my sweaty back. His lips peppering kissen on my temple.   
“Shhh.” He hushed and his voice, his body, he... I felt tears running down my face.   
“Don't, Babe.” His hands were leaving my back and I felt him touching my face. The warmth of his hands felt like being the only thing to hold me together. He turned my face up.   
“Look at me, Mish”, he whispered and when I opened my eyes I could see his gaze.   
“I love you...I love you so much.”   
He kissed me softly, before he continued talking.   
“And I need you... so badly. You were right. I am tired of hiding, too. But I was too afraid.” He kissed me again. So warm, so needy.   
“But I am more afraid of losing you... I can't stand being without you.” His thumbs brushing over my cheeks, his mouth assaulting mine.   
How I needed him... His hands were everywhere. I felt his fingertips under my shirt, caressing the warm damp skin. He was dragging me to the kitchen counter.   
“Need you... now”; he murmured, pulling the shirt over my head. I just nodded, unable to say a word, nor to think a straight thought. He was here, here with me. Back with me. His mouth wandered to my ear, licking soft strips around my earlob.   
“Wanna fuck you, Babe. Here... on the kitchen counter. Need to feel you.”   
His breath was unsteady and when I was trapped between the counter and his body, I could feel his erection. My body was jolting, my cock twitching and the only thing I could thought of, was him, filling me... fucking me. He dragged down my pants, pulled of my shoes quickly. His gaze on my now naked body. Then he pushed me onto the counter, while releasing his own cock. Precum was glisting at his tips, dripping down.   
“Spread your legs”; he whispered and I obeyed. I would do anything for him. I saw him rubbing over his cock, collecting the precum with his fingers, just for rubbing it against my rim.   
“Oh my God...fuck.” His wet finger inside me, pumping, opening me. I try to find hold on the edge of the counter, closing my eyes.   
“Jen...god damn... fuck me. Please, please.”   
I didn't want that teasing. I wanted him, his cock inside me. Filling me, fucking me, breaking me. I felt him adjusting himself between my legs.   
One hand on my hip holding me in place, the other directing his cock to my entrance. It burned, when he pushed through my rim and I took a deep breath. He moved slowly until he was deep inside me. I could feel his lower back, rubbing against my hard one.   
“You are so tight, so hot around me.” His voice was just a whimper. I opened my eyes, connected with his.   
“Break me... I deserve it.”


End file.
